The lingering feeling is gone..Life will go on..

Can't sleep..
stomach was growling..
mind was not in a peaceful mode

Had a chat with her just now..
realised that she will most likely not be able to come back to me and be like before..
I noe how she feels..I felt the same way some years back to my 1st gf..
So I've decided to let go..and let both of us move on..
We are still young, long way to go..
It will eventually be just memories..and an experience..
We will remain as friends..as we noe each other so well we can be good friends..
And hopefully we will both be happy in the future..

Random

I think im bored..normally i dun see mtvs but nowadays i do. Another song which i like..check it out. Its by Orson - Ain't no party.

Heading off to Malacca tomorrow evening..just packed my stuff..never had a weekend getaway before but im sure it should be fun..especially with my crap and fun colleagues~

Had breakfast and evening coffee with some other colleagues..it was fun toking kok and stuff..never really did that last time..Im so glad all my colleagues r such friendly ppl and ppl that are abt the same wavelength~

Well, I guess ppl only appreciate things more when they actually find more time to appreciate them..

Another of my favourite..

I have always liked this song..MCR rocks..never really took a closer look at the lyrics though..till now..

Malacca - dubbed as The Historical State (Malay: Negeri Bersejarah) or The Hang Tuah State (Malay: Negeri Hang Tuah)

Im going to Malacca this weekend~
and it was only decided last Saturday and Sunday..
How we managed to get bus tickets, hotel and coordination for 6 ppl within a few days beats me..
but it helps to have ppl hu research..
Im gonna eat till i become broke there (of cos its becos i bring little money..ringgit leh..)

Flaming ferrari and mcfly~

This shot looks cool...

And please check out this song...I love it!!

WTH

Played Mahjong..
Opponents 4 tai..5 tai..zi muo..somebody even DI HU...bud I dun have..
and I had to shoot a two time 5 tai and some 4 tais..
farking sway..
$170..
most I ever lost before in my entire mahjong history..
there goes my CNY blackjack and mahjong winnings..

Im so gonna win back next time...

I am sick of beer

Had a glass of tiger while watching soccer with Uni friends (Wendy stop working so hard and come for our next outing k)..
manz I dun tink i will drink beer in the near future..too much alcohol in 2 days...

My jc junior says I should set up a food blog or smtg cos she started a music blog..
Maybe I will..since I know quite a few good food..
Anyway hope the next time I see you won't be another 5 yrs haha..

Mahjong tomorrow..to recoup my soccer losses tonight I shall

Headache..nauseous..all in exchange for good fun..

Had a good night...thanks Shi Chang and Gary...and then Desmond..Kelly..Mel..and Jessica..

Baileys..Kilkenny..Hoegaarden..Chivas..and FLAMING FERRARI

I'm Drunk...

Cars..basketballs and more basketballs

Cant blive I actually went arcade with 2 male colleagues after dinner..
played Daytona (how the hell did Viknesh win 2 beginner races)..
played shooting basketballs (hey I din know I was better than a school team player..budden..it wasnt real..)
3 working guys relishing their younger days..toking abt wrestling..playing arcade...
it was fun though..and its the first time since we started work we actually went out together after work..well everything has its firsts..

Ushering at Suntec and drinks to the max tomorrow night with old army friends...cant wait...

She hasn't messaged me today..neither did I..have we already moved on? or like what Desmond deciphered through my handwriting today..that I am still uncertain abt my feelings?..

I do not like being alone now

Alone means..
I will think of things..
I will think of her..
I cant help it..
What is she doing now? Has she taken lunch and dinner? How is her work?

Everytime my handphone receives a message..I was thinking was it her..but in actual fact it was the friends I have contacted..but I jus forgot I had..

Evening came..I could not resist..and so I messaged her abt smtg which we both know happened today..it was a few sms interchanged..and thats about it..but i was happy..it felt like how it was before..but reality sank in..

When I reached home..I emailed her..reminded her to cancel her weekend driving if she is not going as I had always helped her last time..I had wanted to just let it be..but the images of her realising she forgot..and losing her hard earned money..jus made me soften

Im glad I wasnt alone much today...as I had my colleagues in the day..and my ex-senior whom I never met for some time who went with me for dinner..it was an enjoyable dinner and it was nice chatting so much..abt almost everything..you are still as nice as before..and hope you and your bf stay happy...

But here I am again..alone in my room..

A better day at work..

Went back to work today..after staying at home the whole day yesterday (it was horrible)

Thanks Kelly for listening to me yesterday and buying me chocolates and sweets today to cheer me up..to be honest..I was touched and happy...
Thanks Audrey for calling me yesterday when she knew I was down even though I hardly contact her
Thanks Desmond for listening and giving me insight as he experienced something similar before..
Thanks Jiahao for continuing to talk kok even though I was saying something sad..it sorta made me happier..
Thanks to my colleagues who actually noticed I was down..and asked Desmond if I was ok..I am just not in the mood to talk about it..
Thanks to Viknesh who messaged me both on sametime and sms to ask if I am ok..

I am feeling better already..went to buy a solvil titus watch..and headphones..thanks Desmond for accompanying me...

Perhaps I could get used to life without her..perhaps I should love myself more..like she said..my life is not all about her..
I used to work hard and plan my life for her..but now maybe I should plan my life for myself..
Maybe it was just not meant to be..
but I still love her...and I know a huge portion of my heart says I still want her back...
Time will tell..
Life goes on...

She said...she wants...

Still remember I had just kissed her goodbye just 2 days ago..
She seemed to have glanced at me as her sister's car drove past from afar..

that very night after...
she said she needed a break from our relationship..a 6mth break..
she said she felt tied down (perhaps I was possessive but so was she)..and do not know what she really wants..
she said the feeling is fading away..
she said a break will let her see how impt am i..
she said she wants to feel a life of a single..and have fun..
she wants to experience life and see if i am the one...
she wants to clear her doubts..
she said she loves me..but she wants to love herself...

I asked if there is someone else...
she said no..
I believed her...
she said it could mean a better relationship in the future..
And so I agreed..

The next day...
I asked if there is someone else..asked her to tell me the truth..
she said there is someone who keeps popping up in her mind...
she said she felt guilty and needed time to sort out her feelings..

Suddenly..it all makes sense...
she realises there could be other options...she wants to know if she is missing out on anything..
she does not want to commit..she thinks she might find a better guy..but everybody is better in many ways..how to determine the best?
she said I could find other girls as well..but she probably knows I wont..
I told her I could wait..but not too long..as I want to be fair to my self..
she said she just needs some time..and so I shall give her space..

I dunno if I could wait..
I was prepared to wait..but if there is someone else..why should I?
If she does come back..will she do this again?
I had loved her so much and pampered her..but she still could stray...
I have lost all confidence...

What if I wait but end in disappointment?
But I love her too much..more than I love myself..so I can't jus let go..

How I wish this was all a dream..

Life is UNPREDICTABLE

Life is unpredictable..
When all seems well, something unexpected happens..
All that I had lived for and looked forward to..jus became a disappointment..
perhaps I had been putting too high hopes..
people change..surroundings change..just gotta live with it..
I never expected I would be blogging..never expected my first post to be a sad one
life is just so unexpected..and unpredictable..
its probably time to move on..